I go out to get my mail every morning which is usually the only contact
I have with the world.
it is a part of my daily routine
me going out to grab the mail
neighborhood women disgusted as I walk outside
in nothing but my shorts.

They don’t hate me for anything I do but for things I never do like:
cutting the lawn
planting flowers
wishing them a pleasant morning
going to block parties
pretending I don’t care when their dog shits on my lawn.

One day the woman I live with is shoveling the snow in the driveway while I watch.
a neighbor runs over and screams, “ What kind of a man watches a woman
shovel his driveway?”
“A man destined to live a long life.” I reply.
As the word spreads what I said, all the assholes in the neighborhood
and their children now consider me an asshole.

People who think I’m an asshole are limited to neighbors
friends and family until I write an article on racism in sports for
The New York Times
now I get fan mail from assholes all over the world.

An admirer from Germany could hardly burp out the words fast enough,
“You should be shot you mealy mouthed nigger loving intellectual.”
I write back that I am only one of the three names he called me
and congratulate him on the rich legacy of humanity he inherited
from his Nazi grandfather .

I am honored when a professor from China takes time away from
eating dogs and cats to challenge me to a debate on racial differences.
I am humbled when a high ranking politician from Denmark
tells me to find a more honorable profession than poisoning the minds of
college students with my drivel.

My favorite literary criticism comes from my woman who displays her rich
character by telling me I should be embarrassed by the Times
only paying me $250 for three months work

until I receive a postcard from a spiritual descendant of Mahatma Gandhi from India who now lives in Brooklyn.

Imanu Amur Rungel spits out that ever since he came to America all he
hears is “my philosophy of societal blame.
I am coming to Buffalo to kill you”.
”Mr. Rungel, you are obviously a man of letters”, I write back,
“Most people don’t know that far from being a pacifist, Gandhi believed through fighting one gains a broader view of truth.
During your visit to kill me,
would you first like me to show you Niagara Falls?”