Why do men asume I know the language of carpenters, roofers
and car mechanics just because I have a penis?
when my panel light goes on I bring my car in for repair
“What seems to be the problem? “ Butch asks.
“If I knew the problem Butch I wouldn’t be here”.
after an hour under the hood Butch does male speak,
“The plane-disk carburetor leak detection system’s
function factor is damping.”
my eyes glaze over
but I pretend I know what he means.
“Jesus Christ , Butch.That is not supposed to happen
with this model. Let me take a look.”
as Butch points to something in the engine I nod my head
assuming that my feigned knowledge
will save me at least $100 on the repair job.
a month later when my roof starts leaking
a neighbor tells me what the problem could be.
this time I am ready when the roofer comes.
I rotely repeat what my neighbor said, “I think there are enough
base-flashing plies but I am afraid the previous owner
ommitted putting on cant strips.”
After only ten minutes on the roof Charlie
comes and says:
“What the hell are you talking about?
there are two holes in the roof where the water is coming in.”
undeterred, I use my bilingualism on a carpenter later that month
I let him think I know how to check his work:
“Before I pay you for putting in the kitchen door Bob,
I want you to know
I am going to check the door with a plumb bob.”
He quits on the spot
as he leaves the carpenter
tells me to shove the plumb bob up my ass
I am pleased
finally I have something I know how to do.