I am happy men are with the wonderful women I have known
men who are better at feigning interest in:
mediocre art
bad meals
cats
scrabble
the best laundry detergent
the ballet
keeping bushes trimmed
getting to know the neighbors
the opera.
After they have been with me,
the women they are with will love them forever.
They now know a bad man is easy to find.
Do not worry about me guys.
You are the great rescuers of the failings of my past.
I do not have to:
make idle conversation at another Thanksgiving meal
take a Sunday drive to see different colored Fall leaves
look for antiques
put dishes on the right shelves
food shop with coupons
convince them I am not lying about my past.
Excuse me if I don’t wax nostalgic.
It is not that I am insensitive.
Just relieved.
So please don’t ask if I am lonely for your women.
Just make sure they don’t get high,
and become so good at rewriting our sad history,
they call to ask me how I’ve been.