The sun, the sky, the trees are constants in the cesspool called life
but my shit list is ever changing
Hilter is not on my shit list
or Stalin
or Charlie Manson.
at the top of my shit list are people who wear fanny packs
I would rather be mugged and left for dead than wear a fanny pack.

also on my shit list are:
anyone who takes the time to see if they qualify for Mensa
people who use zeitgeist and gestalt in the same sentence
people with more than two pens in plastic pocket pen holders
rhyming poets
academic poets
Def Poetry Jam poets
oatmeal
warm milk
a tuna fish sandwich
served with hair

the admissions director at Yale
who admitted George W. Bush
Dick Cheney’s heart surgeon
conservatives
liberals
inconsistent thinking
consistent thinking

Rush Limbaugh’s fat milky white ass
the British Royal Family
men who take off their shirts at winter football games
unless they die the next day from exposure
men with boyish charm
men with charm
police informants
priests who abused children
Bishops who said nothing

women who cheat at County Fair Pie Baking Contests
football players who beat their wives
elementary school principals
whether they beat their wives or not
undertakers who sell expensive coffins to grieving families
Christian Scientists
scientists who are Christian
bagpipes
mental illness
self denial
venereal disease
wedding music
anyone who believes there is justice in the Criminal “Justice” System
Disneyland
English food
the German language
birth
childhood
adolescence
middle-age
old-age
death is acceptable.

men who knit
actors who can’t sing in musical comedies
singers who can’t act in musical comedies
musical comedies
white suburban kids who talk and dress like homeboys
blonde surfers in their forties
the guy at the bar who thinks the free pretzels are his dinner
the old lady at the doctors office who took five complimentary candies
the guy in line who tried to cut in front of me at the movies
the guy in line who tried to stop me from cutting in front of him at the movies
dentists with bad breath
unconcerned emergency room nurses
the bartender who tried to score my ten spot
men at the beach in Speedo swimsuits
waitresses who say how is your meal more than once
neighbors
Degas
Jackson Pollock
Eagle Scouts
Liza Minnelli
consultants
critics
dyspepsia
anyone who reads this poem.